Monday, May 28, 2012

Wedding anniversary

Dear -,
There are so many things that I wish I could tell you.  I wish I could tell you that today, 8 years ago, which was our wedding day, meant a lot to me.  It still does, really.  It signifies everything that I value, and everything that I did wrong.  It signifies how seriously I took things that you did not.  It makes me question who I am, especially in this new relationship that is starting to bloom.  It reminds me what a failure I was.

It also reminds me what hope I had.  How able I am to commit completely and fearlessly to someone and not look back.  It reminds me of all the people that showed up that day, who love me.  It reminds me of white calla lilies and the way that you smelled after a shower.  It reminds me of holding your hand and how that always made things better.

I am so glad that you have moved on, and found someone that is a better match for you.  I am so glad that we made the choice to honor what our marriage was by ending it when it got bad. 
I am so glad to have met you, and learned what qualities I needed to have in a mate to survive.

Someone once told me that a soulmate is not someone who is in your life forever.  A soulmate, rather, is someone that holds a mirror, and helps you to grow.  The intensity of that type of relationship is too great to withstand a lifetime.  They usually burnt out.

So, good-bye again.  I will see you, in my mind, again next year on our anniversary date.