Well. Having dinner with the ex tonight. I dont know how to feel. When you hit 35, which I know is not old at all in terms of a lifespan, but when you hit 35 it becomes a very stark reality that you may never really meet the right person. I mean, ok, I give you up, babies, but do I really want to give up on finding someone to share my life with?
Resolving to be happy and single, I have done that. I did for years between my horrid divorce and Kevin. But then when you do have that person around, get used to them, its nice. I guess I got used to it again and now I see once again that yes, I am missing out, at some level, by resolving to stay alone.
But I am still too much a real woman to stay with the wrong person, for the wrong reasons. Sometimes being smart and not willing to settle sucks!
Why am I writing this now? Because I got some very odd vibes from K regarding this dinner these past few days. I got called "sunshine" again twice (my old nickname) and "sweetheart". He wanted to keep my pillowcases because they "smelled good", and well, was caught openly gaping at my leg while I was wearing a skirt. He also has said he didnt want to be my friend if I had a boyfriend, and has made several comments about how much he liked this side of me. The freedom loving, happy single side, I guess he means.
It would be very easy to fall back into this relationship for me. Doesnt mean its right. Damn smart bitch on my shoulder will probably win against the cupid on my other shoulder. Yep. Pretty sure. Shit.