Friday, November 25, 2011


I finally figured it out.  The reason Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving leftovers are such a big freaking deal to me.  Gravy.  Vegetarian, of course.  I only make this gravy once a year.  Maybe twice if you are lucky.  I put it on everything.  Mashed Potatoes, stuffing, corn pudding, rolls, green beans...everything.   I'm even okay with it creeping into my pecan pie.  Try it.  You won't go back to regular gravy.  Well maybe you will.  But try it anyway.

Vegetarian Thanksgiving Gravy
Melt 2 tbsp butter in a sauce pan.  When it is completely melted, add 2 tbsp flour.  Cook till browned and thick.  Add 1 1/2 cups veggie broth.  As it starts to thicken add 1 tbsp creamy peanut butter, about 1/2 tsp soy sauce and a couple dashes of cayenne pepper.  Taste for flavor and add more cayenne, or PB as needed.  Since I am the only veggie in the family, I have enough for about 4 meals plus lots of tastes as it cooks.  ENJOY!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

In case of Emergency

On Tuesday I got a text from R.  R is the guy that I tried to have a relationship with during summer and spilling into fall.  The single father that just didn't have enough extra to give after his life as a paramedic with 3 small children.  We had not talked in weeks, after we had both stated how much we missed each other. 

The text said "please help.  I have strep throat and 102 degree temp.  I can't get out of bed to get water".   I went over there, got him water, medicine, a cold washcloth and sat holding his hand until he fell asleep.  Somehow, during our on again, off again relationship, I had become his "in case of emergency" person.  The person he contacted when he really needed help.  This feels good.  Our relationship did not work, and we agreed after this last round that we would not try again.  But we will be friends.  We still are important to each other.  And I feel honored to hold the "in case of emergency" spot in his crazy life.

Just because I'm losing, doesn't mean I'm lost

You ever have a week that causes you to have to muster up every bit of strength and courage, strength you did not even know you possessed?  I had one of those weeks.  The worst possible thing that can happen to a teacher happened to me this week.  Allegations.  Child abuse allegations against me.  Fuck.

On Monday a grandparent that was already feeling unsettled about her grandchild's education, (in reality I think the child being removed from her custody and back into custody of parent that had lost custody originally due to abuse was probably more of the issue) showed up in my classroom unannounced.  Her grandson was belted into a wooden chair when she showed up.  This sounds bad.  Let me explain.  Rifton Compass chairs are wooden chairs with a contoured seat and curved arms and are incredibly comfortable.  I have 2 in my classroom.  One has a seatbelt on it and sometimes the kids like to sit in it.  This particular child has clearly sat in this kind of chair in his preschool setting because he buckles himself in.  Sometimes he can unbuckle it, sometimes he needs help.  We always help him if he wants out.

In her mind, her grandson was being restrained.  Thursday, which was also the day of our big Thanksgiving feast that we put on every year for the kids, I had an emergency meeting to discuss this.  At 10:30.  The other teacher that had planned the feast, AND invited all the parents of her class, conveniently took the week off, leaving it all to fall on my narrow shoulders.  We expected to feed over 50 people at noon.

At the meeting, my principal, assistant superintendent, occupational therapist, and I tried to explain the chair to this woman, whom, it became very clear at that point, was more than a little nuts.  She bashed me, my program, my teaching style, everything that I pride myself at being good at.  Inside I felt beaten, emotionally raw, and ready to crawl in bed, pull the covers over my head, and never return to the classroom again.  On the outside, however, I triumphed.  I remained calm and professional.  I did not argue.  I listened.  I expressed to her that I honored her opinion.  I told her what would change.  I never admitted doing anything wrong.  I fucking smiled, for God's sake.  The meeting lasted up until 5 minutes before my feast.  By that time, she was stating what a great teacher I was and we had agreed to try this again, minus the seatbelt. 

When I arrived, late to my classroom, the amazing women that work as teachers aides in my classroom, and the classroom next door, plus my speech therapist, secretary and school psychologist had the feast in full swing.  The kids were excited, and all ran to me, telling me how much they missed me, hugging me, and I felt incredibly blessed to have this job.  And the first time I cried about this horrific experience is now, as I write this.  All I can say is that a lot of people had my back that day.  At the risk of sounding like I am prostalyzing, God works in mysterious ways.

Sunday, November 6, 2011


I want to write a book. About relationships. I have, literally, boxes of 20 or more journals I have kept since I was 7. They vary in topic, but the one constant theme is my relationships with men. I've had a lot. And I'm not intending that in a trampy, I get around kinda way...although in all honesty that does come with the territory a bit. I just feel that something should come of this ridiculous 30 year quest to find the right man. Even if I never actually do find the right man.
P.S. Things are still going great with Jason. Scary great. Scary.

Saturday, November 5, 2011


I think I will try and write a post everyday for the next week.  I wonder if I have enough to say.  So I am dating someone new.  Well, not really so new.  The widower that I talked about way back in July.  I tracked him down and had dates 2,3,4 and 5 with him.  It's been good.  Like, really good.  Like, so good that I am waiting for the thing that will screw it all up.  That thing is frequently me in dating situations.  I get weird, I get freaked, I just stop liking someone, or I start to like them too much.  I will keep you posted.