Saturday, September 3, 2011


Ok, so I am not going to finish the tamales post just yet.  I made about a million of them last weekend and I need a break.  So stay tuned.  I also am going to make homemade soap tomorrow and will write a blog post about this as well, with pics.  But today I just feel like rambling on about a topic that is pretty major when it comes to dating.  Neediness.

The absolute worst quality you could possibly have when dating.  When you are needy, you wear it like a perfume, and everyone can smell it.  I believe it is the single biggest reason that relationships in the intial stages don't work out. 

Exhibit A:  A man that I used to date, about 2 years ago.  Relationship lasted about 3 months, and honestly, it should have ended way before that.  Anyway, I would have been friends with him....except that he would text, email and facebook message me constantly.  Like 10 texts to my 1.  Finally I told him that if we were to be friends he needed to back way off...and he did.  I would hear from him every couple of months and that was cool.  Then out of nowhere (I guess when I actually responded to him 2 times in a row), he called me.  I talked to him for about 20 minutes, and he made some vaguely innapropriate sexual comments, told me I was beautiful about 10 times, and had information on me that I did not tell him about...obviously he was snooping around somehow.  Needless to say, I have gone back to ignoring his attempts to contact me.  Yes, this is an extreme case, and this guy is actually a bit of a stalker, but in all honesty, I know he's harmless.  Just needy as hell.

Exhibit B:  This just happened the other night.  I went out for a first date with a new man I had met online.  We had drinks, and spent about 2 hours having a really great conversation.  He paid.  I have learned that this is a HUGE indication of someone's interest in me, btw.  If a guy can't even pick up the tab for a cup of coffee...he's just NOT that into you.  Remember this.  Anyway, we exchanged numbers, agreed to go out was all good.  Then...before I even got home, I had received two texts from him.  In all honesty, it was a turn-off.  Will probably see him again, but bumped my interest level down a notch.

I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, and I have done it wrong so many times myself, but when you first meet someone, no matter how much you like them, you really have to back off.    If you appear even a little needy when you first meet someone, they will look to the future (at least I do!) and see having to shake off a completely annoying, emotionally attached person.  And most of us REALLY don't want to do this.

And here's the other thing about neediness.  You just can't fake your way through it.  No matter how many games you play, how much time you let elapse before returning a phone call, no matter how many times you are "busy" when someone wants to hang out, its obvious when you are faking.

So here's the solution:
  Live your life, and make it a good one.  Don't depend on anyone else, ever, to make your life what you want it to be.  Cultivate hobbies.  Make good friends.  Try something new.  Read more.  Get more exercise.  Learn how to cook.  Take your kids more places.  Travel.  Becoming interesting and independent.  This is the real way to not be needy.  Because when you really truly aren't needy....well that's obvious too. 


  1. interesting post, cari. i love reading your thoughts about life! you're so eloquent and clear. just out of curiosity, if you don't want someone "emotionally attached," what do you want? i would think that would be a good thing in a relationship, no?

  2. Hey Mrs Northcott!
    You are right. Emotionally attached, upon further speculation, is not a bad thing in a relationship. I believe I meant emotionally dependent. Make more sense?

  3. Miss Cari- I'm eating some canned tamales my mom had in her cupboard. I know it sounds so weird that I am eating canned food. But honestly I look in my mom's cupboard upon arrival! And I was so starving and nervous and can't sleep because I had the most crazy drive that tried to kill me (parents live 200 miles away from me). Thanks for the blog tonight:) It's a good reminder for me althought I don't date much. I'm just clingy and emotional:) p.s. I brought clip making stuff up on my mini-vacation!

  4. Hi Tami...Its a good reminder for all of us really...please remember that I am not by any means an expert, and that I am writing all this stuff as much for myself as anyone else:)

  5. yes, miss cari, that makes more sense. i was pretty sure that's what you meant but...thanks for the clarification. i love your blog!