Its been awhile. I had an amazing yoga retreat in Grass Valley, got Strep Throat immediately upon returning home, then went to science camp for a week. Now I am basking in the joy of relaxing at the beach in Pismo Beach. Its freaking beautiful here and boy do I need the vacation from, well, my vacation.
I have been on two dates since we last spoke. Coffee. Jason and Tom. Complete opposite men with very similiar details. 38. Single. No kids. College student. Scorpio. Need I say more? Both of them are very nice and really, they seem to both have stories to tell. Jason was married, and his wife died of breast cancer about 3 years ago. Tom is in AA and has been sober since 2004, and is a Buddhist, btw. When you get to be 38, I honestly hope that you have a story to tell. If not, what have you been doing for 38 years??
I feel fascinated by both of them, really. I don't think that one really has to worry about commitment-phobia with a man that literally helped his wife die. That's some pretty rockin commitment, isnt it? Or what about someone who actually has come to terms with his own limitations (alcoholism) and has done something to fix it? And maintained that particular thing for 7 years! I feel admiration for both of these men. But...
Coming into someone's life who has had things really happen, you are always taking a chance. Jason still spends time with his deceased wife's family. Sounds lovely, really, in theory. In reality....hmmmmm. What if he and I were married, say, 5 years and this was still the case. That does not sound lovely anymore. And Tom, sober for 7 years....what if one day he just wasnt sober anymore? Who knows what life as HIS wife might be like then.
But the thing is, once you reach 35, you are dealing with the select few men in your age group who happen to also be single. Its not the same as dating at 22, when everyone is somewhat of a clean slate. It is now really survival of the fittest and there are not many of us out there making the cut. We don't have 18 year old bodies, and we might be getting a little grey ( I know I am!). We have scars from pasts, and some of us handle it well, some of us don't.
But this is what keeps me truckin along...both these men have some pretty serious strikes against them, that may make women look in the other direction, and these guys know that. But they still put themselves out there. And that shows character. And I like character. So here we go.